TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-28-25
APPROVED
Sixpack Santiago
Strength88
Speed70
Endurance92
Technique65
Molecular Density2.6
Existential Dread30
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Sixpack Santiago VS Lawn Care Larry
Lawn Care Larry
70Strength
75Speed
88Endurance
80Technique
2.5Molecular Density
55Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Sixpack Santiago
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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