TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-03-25
APPROVED
Moist Carl
Strength94
Speed80
Endurance73
Technique63
Molecular Density61.4
Existential Dread86
Fingers10
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Moist Carl VS Background Radiation
☠️ Background Radiation ☠️
42Strength
69Speed
104Endurance
85Technique
0.0Molecular Density
98Existential Dread
0Fingers
0Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Moist Carl
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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