TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-04-25
APPROVED
Garage Sale Gloria
Strength70
Speed70
Endurance80
Technique80
Molecular Density2.0
Existential Dread45
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Garage Sale Gloria VS Sprinkler System Sam
Sprinkler System Sam
80Strength
70Speed
80Endurance
70Technique
2.6Molecular Density
28Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Sprinkler System Sam
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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