TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-19-26
APPROVED
Cabbage Jenkins
Strength66
Speed71
Endurance86
Technique77
Molecular Density67.5
Existential Dread41
Fingers11
Toes7
TALE OF THE TAPE
Cabbage Jenkins VS Moist Carl
Moist Carl
91Strength
79Speed
71Endurance
59Technique
61.4Molecular Density
86Existential Dread
10Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Moist Carl
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
Authenticate via Discord to access violence wagering systems