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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-23-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Friday, January 23, 2026 at 12:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ⏱️ VIOLENCE PENDING
Baby Triumphant

Baby Triumphant

Strength35
Speed60
Endurance30
Technique98
Molecular Density0.8
Existential Dread5
Fingers5
Toes5
TALE OF THE TAPE
Baby Triumphant VS Artisanal Windbreaker
Artisanal Windbreaker

Artisanal Windbreaker

42Strength
65Speed
48Endurance
68Technique
0.9Molecular Density
92Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes
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