🥊 SPOODBLORT

Backstory: Born in the back of a derailed party bus during a thunderstorm, Slosh Gulp was raised on gas station hot dogs and energy drinks that were banned in five countries. His mother was a magician's assistant who vanished one day and never reappeared. His father? Unconfirmed — though many believe it might have been a sentient raccoon in a trench coat. Slosh peaked in 2009, when he almost won a regional vape trick competition before being disqualified for lighting his vape on fire mid-backflip. Ever since, he’s been spiraling through couch cushions, food court brawls, and a complex pyramid scheme involving artisanal beef jerky. He doesn’t own a home, but he does have keys to four places that no one’s seen him leave. Fighting Style – “Regret-Based Combat” Slosh fights like a drunk uncle in a bar mitzvah parking lot: unpredictable, loud, and somehow sticky. He uses stolen lighters as projectiles, ashtrays as weapons, and his own toxic charisma as a status effect. His special move, “Child Support Evader,” involves him vanishing mid-fight, only to reappear behind the opponent wearing a shirt that says “World’s Okayest Dad.”